As a crisis worker, I see a lot of suicidal ideation. In that capacity, it’s my job to hear words people say that may indicate that they are thinking of suicide. I’ve gotten pretty adept at listening for these subtle cues, and it doesn’t scare me anymore. The first time I had to work with a suicidal client, I was scared. Even though I was educated in mental health and I knew it existed, the reality of suicide hadn’t hit home. The first time I called emergency services for a suicidal client, I was so scared and concerned that my body shook. But I quickly learned that not talking about it is far worse than talking about it. And over time, it’s possible to learn to accept the reality of it and work with it.
I’m here to tell you that you don’t need a master’s degree in counselling to talk about suicide. In fact, even a master’s degree couldn’t prepare me for that first conversation. If someone you know is struggling, it’s normal and totally ok to be scared to talk about it, but you can do it. With the lockdown, suicidality is increasing. People who could normally cope and function despite a lot of pain, have now been stripped of all the ways they used to cope. And since September is suicide awareness month, I want to share some tips on how to talk about suicide.
Here are some basic tips to help you get through a conversation about suicide:
1. Don’t be afraid to ask if the person is thinking about suicide. If that word scares you, say something like “have you been thinking about hurting yourself?”. The key here is not to shy away from the topic altogether. Talking about it doesn’t make it more likely or put the idea in someone’s head. Talking about it makes it less shameful and more likely that the person will seek help.
2. Don’t try to convince the person of all the things they have to live for. It’s a form of invalidation of their pain and suffering. It’s another way of saying “you shouldn’t feel that way” and makes it more shameful. It makes it less likely that the person will reach out for help.
3. Just be there. Listen. Don’t argue or try to change their mind. You won’t win.
4. Once they’ve had a chance to get their voice heard, do encourage your friend or family member to reach out for help.
5. Understand that suicide is a lot more common than any of us realize. And thinking about suicide is really common.
6. Check in on people you know are struggling.
Fortunately, there are a lot of resources to help with suicidality. Here are just a few, mostly in the Ottawa area:
1. Kids Help Phone – text “Connect” to 6868
2. Ottawa Distress Center – call (613) 238-3311
3. Crisis Line – call (613) 722-6914
4. Crisis Services Canada – 833-456-4566 or text 45645
Finally, it’s important to understand that older men are at the highest risk of suicide. I firmly believe that this is in large part because many men don’t feel comfortable seeking help to talk about their issues. By talking about it, we reduce the shame and stigma around mental health help seeking. It’s one of the first and most important steps we can take to reduce suicidality. And social support is a huge preventative factor in mental health.
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